THE PLACE OF COMMUNICATION IN THE MANAGEMENT OF MARITAL CRISES (PART ONE)

THE PLACE OF COMMUNICATION IN THE MANAGEMENT OF MARITAL CRISES (PART ONE)

Nwachukwu Appolonia U.

 

 COMMUNICATION

For an enhanced understanding, it is expedient that we define the term communication. It is a general phenomenon and has been defined by scholars in different fields. Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium. Communication is from the Latin word communicare, meaning “to share”, it is the act of conveying meanings from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs, symbols, and semiotic rules. So in communication, we share things about ourselves such as our feelings, thoughts etc with others. Centrally, communication involves the transfer of information from the sender to the receiver through a medium known as language. In marriage communication is needed to enable couples grease the engine of their relationship against knocking. Thus, communication has a process which is encapsulated in two words communication cycle. The cycle involves: (See diagram) 

In more than 80% of our present day marriage, crises abound. Many have collapse under the weight of it and the existing one not yielding the desired outcome or the intended result. There is a short fall from Gods idea of marriage and the actual consequently both the couples involved and the larger society is adversely affected.
There is a catalogue causes of marital crises and namely:
Improper catechesis
Suspicious/ lack of trust
Infidelity\ poor communication
Domestic violence/
Management of family recourses among others.

Causal empiricism holds that poor communication is more deadly among them and every other causative agent of crisis is rooted in it.  This is due to the fact that antidotes to  family crises such as love, appreciation, respect, apology etc cannot be fully expressed where communication is ineffective.

COMMUNICATION, THE TWO EDGED SWORD IN MARRIAGE: The entire universe and all within it existed by communication (Gen.1:2). Communication is like a sword which could save or kill any marriage depending on the usage (Prov 22:18). The construction of the Tower of Babel was progressing tremendously when the sons of men where communicating effectively but as soon as effective communication was withdrawn by the hand of God, retrogression and chaos came in and they were scattered at the end (Gen 11:1-9). Communication in marriage is indispensable and couples are advised to apply wisdom in using it. Everything in life takes it place by communication (Gen 1:1-2). Thus, couples  should acquaint themselves with effective communication skills to be able to give their marriages beautiful shapes. To facilitate this, couples need to know what I titled the “What-What-How-and When of communication”. (WWHW)

WHAT: What to communicate to build your marriage
WHAT: What not to communicate to avoid destroying your marriage
HOW: How to communicate to save and heal your marriage.
WHEN: When to communicate to achieve success and effectiveness

We should communicate all about us to our spouse, reserving nothing. They should know us best to enable us become best of friends. We should communicate our joys and pains, likes and dislikes, weaknesses and strength, failures and successes. This will enable your partner to understand you better because our individual differences account for some variations in our perception and character. Do not be so secretive because marriage is an invitation to share the reminder of one’s life with whom you love. Your love for each other has to be expressed. 

There are some words that no one else can say to your spouse e.g. I love you, my bestie, you are sweet, handsome. Your spouse deserves it and it shouldnt come from another. Others are: 

Appreciation: This is capable of propelling your partner  to put in more effort for the good of the family. Therefore, always appreciate yourselves for every good done even when you feel it is his or her duty. Appreciate all spouses’ contributions toward the family well-being. 

Dreams/ plans: This encourages team spirit among couples. It is important to always discuss your dreams and ambitions with your partner.

Dissatisfactions: Do not keep it to yourself. Express it and let it be trashed out. Over secretiveness is harmful in relationships and do not assume your spouse is aware, let him or her know. It can puncture the balloon of love.

The truth: Truth and honesty are two most needed ingredients in marriage. Have no reason to lie about anything as that can cause lack of trust.

Apology: Show your remorse for every mistake and do not be too proud or shy to accept your faults. It simplifies reconciliation and enhances family peace (Gen 2:25). 

 

to be continued

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Fr. Daniel Evbotokhai is a priest of the Catholic Diocese of Auchi, Edo State, Nigeria. He was ordained October 20th, 2018. He offers his daily homilies, talks and articles that bother on, faith, theology, morals and many other burning issues in religion and politics. Fr. Daniel writes poems, inspirational quotes and clips.